Dear Steve and Shirley,
I’m a sixty-four-year-old married man with two sons. My wife and I are retired, and we enjoy spending time with our three grandchildren. Our oldest son got married six years ago, and I used to love his wife—she has been a part of our family for ten years now.
For Christmas, my wife and I spent a week with my son and his family. One quiet morning, I got up early to meditate and make some coffee while the house was still silent. As I walked into the kitchen, I overheard my daughter-in-law on the phone in her office. I distinctly heard her say, “Your parents took the kids to the mall yesterday.” That comment confused me because she could only have been referring to my other son, and I didn’t mention it to my wife at the time.
On Christmas Eve, my daughter-in-law left her phone face down in the kitchen, and it kept vibrating. My wife picked it up to see whose phone it was and discovered back-to-back texts from our younger son, who had just turned thirty. She thought he might be trying to surprise us for Christmas, and I assumed that explained why my daughter-in-law had been speaking with him that morning.
Christmas Day came, and we FaceTimed with our younger son, who mentioned he had no plans to join us—a statement that puzzled me further. The truth finally emerged last week when he came home and said he needed to talk. He revealed that he had had a fling with my daughter-in-law. He explained that she drove for four hours to see him, and over the course of the weekend, they were together multiple times. He described the situation as terrible and said that although he told her it would never happen again, she wouldn’t leave him alone.
I’m not sure how to handle this situation. Should I encourage my son to tell his older brother about what happened, or should I stay out of it?