Dear Steve and Shirley,
My fiancé and I have been together for three years. I have two children from a previous relationship, and he has one child. We also have one child together, giving us a total of four children.
From the very start, he made it clear that I’m only allowed to talk to my children’s father if it has to do with the kids. That was fine initially, but there are other times I need to communicate with him because I’m the property manager for three of his properties. It’s my job. My fiancé hates it, but business is business.
Meanwhile, when it comes to his own communication with the mother of his child, they talk often. She calls him at least three times a week to tell him random things—like if she ran into a mutual acquaintance or if she wants to gossip about someone they both knew growing up. He says it’s a different situation for him because they share a daughter, and “girls are different.” He also says my sons live with my ex, so I have no reason to talk to my ex frequently.
Recently, I read some messages between him and his ex, and they were discussing me. He was telling her that he loves me, that I’m a good mother and a hard worker, and he assured her he didn’t cheat on her with me. I confronted him about it, and he told me he owed her that conversation because she’s still hurt. I responded that when relationships end, people are hurt, and that’s life—she just needs to get over it. He still doesn’t see my point.
Now, I talk to my ex whenever I need to and purposely step out of the room to irritate my fiancé. He says I’m not ready for marriage because I like playing games. But what game is he playing?