Dear Steve and Shirley,
I'm 27 years old, and my boyfriend and I recently broke up after dating for seven years. He is fifteen years older than I am, and over time, we grew apart due to our age difference. One of his friends stepped in to comfort me after he heard us arguing in public. That friend is sixteen years older than I am, but he's young at heart and knows all the TikTok dances. He told me he was drawn to me and that we connected better than I ever did with my ex—and he was right.
For the past few weeks, I've been spending time with him. He treats me very well: he calls to say good morning, and we fall asleep on the phone together most nights. That's how I know he's over his wife. As soon as she goes to bed, he'll call me to come over to my place to say good night. It's fun sneaking around with him, even though we both have a lot to lose. If we get busted, he'll be in divorce court and I might end up out on the street.
I'm in a tricky situation because my ex pays my rent—my lease is in his name since I was barely 21 when I moved out on my own. He didn't trust me to handle the rent myself; he treated me like a child he had to raise. That's part of why his friend feels so much better for me. My mom agreed that I should hang onto my extra money and keep his friend on the side for support.
The only issue is that my ex has been calling me late at night, wanting to come by. I can't let him do that because his friend is at my place a lot. My mom always said that men can tell if another man has been in their house the previous night. My ex says he misses me and wants to fix things, and while I have history with him, I'm having fun with his friend.
Is it crazy to try to juggle both of them right now?