Dear Steve and Shirley,
I’m a 52-year-old widowed woman, and I'm finding it difficult to meet a partner who can truly satisfy me. I’ve been back in the dating pool for six years, and I’ve slept with three men, but none of them measured up to my late husband. One came close, but he couldn’t last as long. By “measure up,” I mean these men are in a different size class than my husband was. They were all younger than I am, so I jokingly assume God stopped handing out “big ones” after the 1970s.
I decided to date an older guy from my church who is 58. The sex was disappointing; he knows how to make love, but he’s not blessed with size. He’s also a cuddler, and I don’t like the way he smells. His beard oils and body sprays irritate my sinuses, making it hard to relax when my nose is burning.
He keeps asking why I’m resisting a relationship with him, so I finally told him that I want my next real relationship to be perfect because my husband set the bar high. He responded that since we were being honest, he wanted me to know he’s seeing another lady, but he likes me more. He thinks we’re perfect for each other and he could spend the rest of his life with me—but he doesn’t want marriage. Instead, he wants us to live together. He’s ready to take on all my financial responsibilities, and he told me that, at my age, he’s as close to perfect as I’m going to get.
That whole conversation irritated me. But maybe he’s right. I desperately want to be married again, yet this man made a very appealing offer. Would I be foolish to let him go and keep dating other men, hoping to find my next husband?