Dear Steve and Shirley,
I'm 40 years old and married to an older man. He's an entrepreneur, and I'm in the insurance field. He's out and about, rubbing elbows with big wigs every day, at least that's how he describes his line of work. He dabbles in real estate and owns a few parking lots, and he just acquired another one. When he's at home, he sleeps or he's on his computer. We used to cook at home together and watch movies; that was our thing. But over the holidays, he said that lying around watching movies is a waste of my time and wasting my time when I could be spending the time working on myself. He suggests that I get a hobby like playing tennis or golfing. I rolled my eyes when he said it because I'm not interested in sports. He told me it was just like a Black woman to cop an attitude and roll my eyes. Lately, he's made remarks about me not being driven or having ambition. He said it's a cultural thing and Black women like to settle. I've been at my job for 22 years; I can retire in eight years. I love what I do, and I don't want to be self-employed. Saturday, he asked when I was getting my braids taken out and getting a more professional hairstyle. He said if it's not braids, it's a weed, and "you and these hairstyles." He's also said my behind is nice now, but as I get older, I might want to start working out so it doesn't spread. I usually ignore him, but I went off that day, and he said he expected me to react that way because Black women are so reactive. I think he's got something against Black women, or maybe it's me. I don't feel comfortable at home anymore. What is going on with him?